Brainshambles

This is going to be one giant picture post because things have been a little strange and art/photos seem to do it best for me as of late. In terms of a life update (that’s what “blogging” is these days, right? mundane life updates?)…Kyle and I have contacted a Realtor, and we will start looking at homes tomorrow evening after work. I am predicting this to be a long and painful process, taking many months and likely, buckets of tears. But I am happy to tackle the idea head on, and hope in 6 months time we may just have a bingo. My life motto has always been peppered with such an attitude: expect the worst, no matter what, and in the end you’re at least 5% more likely to be delightfully surprised. Some may think this approach to be unhealthy, or perhaps even restraining. But no…no no. I continue to thrive by living this way. And so it goes.

Work, good. Riding, on hold. Art, only in my head. Reading, FINALLY. I’ve finally begun to tackle some of Kurt Vonnegut’s work and I am refreshed. I’m trying this new tactic–reading before bed to try and incite sleepiness. Years of PhD certified advice, and I am just now getting my stubborn head around it. We’ll see if they were right. Stay tuned, if you dare.

And I leave you with a random smattering of inspiring images. Enjoy.

Life has a strange way of teaching you things. Learning is often so painful, but I think some, like myself…seek it. Endure it. Just to see or feel the light at the end. And more often than not, there isn’t even a light at the end. But the search is what’s so exhilarating. It’s the search that keeps us coming back over and over and over again.

Today was ridiculous. I am going to leave it at that. I just want to be fabulous and efficient and passionate all at the same time. Are my little idiosyncrasies and awkward approach just too much?

I can only be so perfect.

But you know who’s always perfect? Marilyn.

This weekend was more busy and productive than usual. I am no longer the socialite I used to be, so it was nice to attend the Up & Over annual Banquet (it’s a Horse association I’m a member of) on Saturday evening. I won four awards, had two glasses of delicious wine and enjoyed a delightful meal. Kyle and I also left the house Sunday morning for breakfast. But the true highlight of this weekend, I must say was the fabulous finds at a nearby outlet mall. I’m falling more and more in love with Banana Republic. I find it a bit amusing to flaunt about in the dressing room, wearing such darling delicate pieces of clothing while covered in ample amounts of ink. I guess I’ve always been a fan of high contrast.

After my extravagant shopping trip I spent an hour ironing shirts for both Kyle and myself while also organizing my wardrobe. Laundry-done. Dishwasher-on. Hair-straightened. Eyebrows-groomed. Nails-freshly painted. New books for my lunch hour-purchased.

And alas, I am ready to hit the ground running towards another bustling work week. Good night, my darlings.

I want to slowly roam the aisles of a book store and delve into pure, solid, new thought. Never one for fiction. Always reality. Gritty raw stories and thought processes that allow me to feel the way I was meant to feel. Relate to events that many would find abnormal or undesirable. Escape from my reality, but in a way that is still real. It is a strange dichotomy really, the ways in which I want to run so hard and so far away from demons, only so I can feel and breathe in new ones. I am content but always searching. In the end, isn’t it all just a dream?

I work hard, eat lots of ice cream, and fixate on strange things. I’m tired. But I’m also feeling the familiar (and very missed) pulse of passion, curiosity and creativity. It’s coming back. Always does…little waves, little ripples. My core.

Life is bizarre. And I continue to ride the waves. Stay tuned.

I awoke at 4:45am this morning to prepare for an early meeting. I am pretty neurotic about checking my phones (yes, plural) as soon as I wake, but for some strange reason today I just let the dogs out, stumbled into the bathroom, and got myself all perfect and ready.

And then, I got the memo that the meeting was rescheduled. HA! Oh well, might as well do some housework and update the old brainshambles. No use wasting time on sleep with fresh makeup. Life has been fairly chaotic but in a good way, I do think. I’m continuing to enjoy the whirlwind that is my new career and wedding plans are moving right along. We received our invitations last week and they look absolutely darling. I really feel like we made the right choice by ordering online. They came out even better than I anticipated and were completely customized for a bargain. Bridesmaids have all met one another and ordered their dresses. Contract for the venue has finally been signed. Now if I can just make it through the rest of the madness…fittings, showers, picking centerpieces and favors…

Side note: have I mentioned that I am considering stripping this space down so it is basically just a portfolio of my art and photography? I keep waiting to see if life will slow down and my feelings will change, but blogging just isn’t what it used to be for me. I want to be creative, I want to share, but I also feel as if I need to create some distance. I’ve been doing this for over 10 years and it’s been a fun ride. It would be so hard to let go, but I’ve got real things to fixate on now. Like my fiance, house hunting, dogs and my work. We’ll just have to see. Until then…

It is Tuesday evening and I am finally wound down from work. Kyle is also at basketball, so I have a little time to myself. I’ve done all my normal after-work activities: cat litter, dishes, vacuuming and some clothes folding. Work is going well and although I am insanely busy, I’m really liking the routine. (Or deviation from routine–depends on the day!). On the wedding front: I ordered my invitations, finalized the guest list, and officially took off a week in August for our honeymoon. Now we just have to figure out where we will go! I’m really pushing for Costa Rica, England or South America. If the price is right I might get lucky with one of those locations, but with my luck we’ll probably end up just doing another Caribbean cruise. Which is fine really, because by August a vacation will be much appreciated regardless of destination!

Time to move along. A few photos as per usual:

A quick photo post before I drive in the freezing rain to work. Because it’s Friday, sure why not?

(Still my favorite photo of Lohan ever)

Hello friends. I am exhausted, but feel like I should post a little something to keep brainshambles relevant. What a lovely time for some bullet points.

-I love my job. I love my job. My job is intense. I hope I keep loving it.
-I am tired, and have had the most amazing sleep these past four days.
-Does anyone else know how amazing it feels to actually sleep through a whole night after years of intense insomnia? Hope it sticks around!
-Today is technically my 4 year anniversary of dating Kyle. I didn’t realize until just now. But I sort of feel like anniversaries are different now that I am engaged…
-Wedding, OH YEAH, almost forgot I’m supposed to be planning a wedding all while getting accustomed to my new full time corporate life.
-Going to bed now, I don’t think I have ever appreciated a weekend as much as this coming. Maybe I’ll find time to take some new photos.
-Oh, yes…we’ve had about 5 days of blizzard/freezing rain weather conditions. Makes for AWESOME 40 minute drives to work. In my little tiny car. O-H-I-O