Brainshambles|

I need this week to be over like ASAP. (Pronounced “ay-sap”)

I had a great patient this morning, she was super cool with having a dumb, fumbling, slow, idiotic nursing student taking care of her all morning. Patient tolerance is always a plus. Oh lord, I cannot wait for my one (count it…one) week of break. So May 10-18th will look like this

-wake up
-exercise
-lay on ass
-eat
-go back to bed
-repeat

Delicious. Anyway…so listen. Kyle and I are looking for a house to rent/buy. I cannot help but internally squeal like a little girl every time I think of it. I keep fantasizing about things like the ability to paint my walls pretty colors, purchase matching towel sets for the bathroom, buying new living room furniture, cooking dinner for my muffin in a NICE, WELL EQUIPPED kitchen, planting flowers in my own yard…etc etc.

I don’t want to get my hopes up. But really, I hope he stay serious about this shit. I feel like such a leech. Poor college student, lots of debt, no income, TOTALLY bringing nothing to the table. I hope he knows how much I appreciate him for loving me for ME. He loves me, even though I am super bipolar, moody, stressed, poor, and occasionally very whiney.

I’m playing with the big dogs now. Being an adult is scary. Yet enticing….all at the same time.

(Coffee, Money, Corgi, Vacation, Macbook Pro, Sleep, Horse, A House, Engagement)

Today was pretty ballin’. I had a super sweet patient who had just gotten out of bariatric surgery. It was kind of nice (yet weird) to care for a non-elderly patient who wasn’t terminally ill. It was unfortunate that she got really nauseous though, as I wasn’t able to do a really thorough assessment. I also managed to avoid Professor Psycho almost the entire morning. And my sterile technique demonstration went SUPERB.

My weekend starts NOW (as I am skipping my African History lecture tomorrow morning–oooh bad girl). I got home some early this afternoon, I don’t even know what the hell to do with myself. Seriously, what do I do with extra time? It’s been so long…

I’d really like to go out tonight and pretend like I have a social life. I haven’t had an alcoholic beverage in about 2 months (which isn’t a bad thing, but I say so to demonstrate my most recent lack of socialization). Lets see…23 pounds of weight loss+two months of complete sobriety…one drink should do the trick. I’m such a cheap date. If only Kyle knew how good he truly has it.

I think I am going to go clean the apartment…or do laundry…or work out…the options are endless.

Despite my rigorous efforts to develop an affinity for soy milk, I can now say with confidence…it is all effing gross. Plain, vanilla, chocolate, low fat, regular…all of it. Nasty. And now I have to finish off two full cartons, one vanilla and one chocolate.

I have a riding lesson tonight and then I plan on praying to the sleep gods. If I could just get 4 full hours…oh, to be so lucky. Then it’s up at 4:30 a.m. tomorrow morning for another day of clinical AWESOMENESS. Can you sense my sarcasm? Is it burning your retinas?

-Cat gnawing on the corner of my laptop
-Being poor
-Credit card debt
-My clinical instructor
-Life in general
-Insomnia
-The prospect of summer school
-My dinner not cooking fast enough

I was hoping to experience two evenings in a row of orgasmic sleep, but last night was just not my night. Although their commercials are witty and quite enticing, the makers of Rozerem LIE. Mass media LIARS. Yes my dreams miss me, no I won’t be seeing them soon.

On top of my characteristic insomnia, I was blessed with a spring time allergic reaction. For me, this means a bright red neck, insane itching, and a head full of snot. Makes for a lovely evening. But I will sacrifice my good health for pleasant weather. When the temperature is above 50 degrees, life seems to suck a lot less. I am so ready for this weekend. Even though I have to work tomorrow morning at 7:30 a.m., I don’t CARE, because that means one more day of NOT being in a clinical with a psychotic, mumbling, menopausal professor. Speaking of clinicals, I finally ordered two new pair of crispy white scrub pants that should actually fit me. And they are halfway cute…as cute as white can be on a pear shaped petite.

Off to watch some Discovery Channel. Yeah.

I took my last Ambien sample last night. And this time, instead of sitting around waiting for it to kick in and make me drunker than hell, I did it the right way. Took the pill, went directly to bed.

MUCH better results, I must say. This is the first time in months I have slept 8 full hours. Hopefully my elevated energy level will make this morning’s clinical less horrifying. I’m praying that I don’t get someone who has diarrhea, or diapers, or urinary incontinence or something. I just am not ready for that kinda hotness. Seriously.

Time to guzzle my coffee, and mentally prepare.

So this morning, APPARENTLY…I deserved a verbal ass kicking, IN FRONT of patients, because the linens on the bed I made had two wrinkles, at the corners. This professor, who has NO idea what is going on, in any area of her/our lives, is making my entire clinical group’s first experience on the floor a complete and living hell. I have been up for about 15 hours straight, and so glad to be home. Tomorrow should be awesome, I have to be up bright and early (again) for a quiz, a lecture, a pharmacology test (yet to be studied), and then a lovely evening of shitty-quality nursing homework. Because apparently, I am just a peon in the world of health care, and a complete failure because I allow my linens to become wrinkled, and spend time actually trying to do a little research on my patient before I enter his room.

Guess what I’m doing all night long?

How one human being is actually capable of living, surviving, thriving off of such little sleep is beyond me.
Yet somehow, I am managing to do it. I plan on trying to nap a bit before my riding lesson tonight, or I may just fall off and die. Last night was quite unpleasant. Laying in bed for hours, staring at the ceiling, it really starts to drive one to madness.

I get to the point where its like, 2:00 a.m. and I am thinking “What a freaking waste of time. Why can’t it just be 6:30 so I can get up and drink some coffee and get this stupid lame ass day started.”

And then there was the other day, when I did manage to fall asleep, only to wake shortly after dreaming about losing my teeth. Which apparently, means someone is about to die. Fabulous.

But I digress.

The sun is shining, and I have some pharmacology to study.

Doing homework days before it’s due? Is this possible? After an entire life lived on last minute pressure?
It feels good. Yet, now I just find myself fixating on more shit that will be due in the future. In a week. In two weeks. Shit. Nursing. Kill. AHHHHH.

I had a mild frozen custard binge last night, which made me feel really guilty. But proudly, I woke up this morning and dragged my ass to the gym to do 33 minutes on the elliptical. Chump change for the average athletic, I know. But 33 minutes is a pretty big feat for me, on the elliptical machine. Hopefully, if I don’t succumb to my inner fat girl, I can manage to at least maintain at my Wednesday weigh-in.

I am tired. But feeling fairly mentally stable, which is strange. I’ll take it. Maybe the Lamictal really is kicking in. That would be baller.