Brainshambles|

I am going to try and sum this up as best I can, but really–no explanation would do tonight’s experience justice.

Being an advocate and lover of traditional western medicine, I am skeptical of all the holistic methods/herb-taking etc. However, at the suggestion of my boyfriend’s aunt (whom I LOVE), I went and got a “contact reflex assessment” today. Lets just say this: It involved a lot of question asking, dietary wrist slapping, and weird instruments/mumbling about reflexes. This woman waved this weird light at my different “reflex points” while tapping down on my left arm and apparently identified my weak areas. Apparently my “TRAUMA” reflex is high, and my adrenal glads are completely fucked. So before you ask, the answer is YES, I did get suckered into spending 55 dollars on two dietary supplements and a bag of xylitol sweetener. Apparently splenda isn’t as wonderful as we all would like to think.

All this hocus pocus…I find it all very strange. But I told her that I like to keep an open mind, and will try anything ONCE. So I am eager to see if my adrenal supplement and rose hips help my FAILING body.

PS–Thanks for all the feedback on the last post, I really appreciate all of your thoughts. Seriously. I wish I had this many friends in real life.

So as some of you may know, over the past 9 months I have lost a good amount of weight by following the Weight Watchers plan. Being skinny again is really fabulous, and while I still have problem areas, I finally feel pretty good about myself. I eat as much as I possibly can, I rarely deprive myself, and I don’t ever skip a meal.

Here’s the thing. Lately, I keep getting all of these comments from people about being anorexic, and how I look too skinny, blah blah…am I on drugs, blah blah. I cannot tell you how frustrating it is to have worked so hard for my own health and body image, and have people start ASSUMING that I have some sort of eating disorder. Anyone who knows me well, knows that I LOVE TO FUCKING EAT. Go out with me sometime, seriously. Watch me try and resist dessert. Because it won’t happen. And I won’t be running to the bathroom to vomit afterwards, either. The reason I have gotten so skinny and stayed this way, is because I DID IT THE RIGHT FUCKING WAY.

At first, the skinny comments made me feel nice, like all of my hard work was paying off. But it’s getting to the point where I hate being pointed out. People make me FEEL like I have an eating disorder when they keep pointing out my weight loss, downsizing me, chastizing me for my new look. Is it all just jealousy, or are people genuinely concerned? And what am I supposed to do about it, gain 5 pounds to make other people happy? Seriously. If I feel comfortable in my body, and I am healthy and eating well and thriving…should I just brush the haters off?

Or do I really look ill, do I look BAD like this? Do I look disgusting? I never had a fucking body image complex until all these people started sticking their fingers in my brain. I hate having to give the same little speech, over and over again. It goes like this:

“I am 5′3″ being 140 pounds was NOT healthy for me. I am in my healthy weight range, and my BMI is normal, yes I eat lots of food, no I don’t vomit, and I don’t exercise because I’m lazy.”

Seriously. I have to tell someone this every god damn day. What is a girl supposed to do?

[EDIT] PS–Allison, my lab partner and fellow hot biatch is super understanding, I don’t even know if she reads this. But I love her. And I am so happy to have met someone who is as neurotic as me, and understands what’s up.[EDIT]

So I purchased a new digital camera, finally. Camera connoseiurs probably will vomit at my choice, but oh well. My last digital camera was a Fujifilm, and although it was a piece of crap–it lasted about five years. So I decided to play it safe and upgrade. Plus–not having to buy a new memory card saved me thirty dollars. Behold, my new Fujifilm Finepix J10.

I took a few practice glamour shots (which I will not be posting) and the difference is quite noticeable. Going from 3.2 megapixels to 8.2 makes an enormous difference. And thus, I am pleased. End post.

I am trying hard to put a stop, or at least a slight damper on my INSANE coffee addiction. So, I have been doing a little tea tasting. I still usually end up drinking one cup of regular coffee in ADDITION to a cup of tea, but I figure…in the end, it’s still like, 25% less caffeine. Right? RIGHT? Anyway, this one is my most recent favorite. I thought Earl Grey was the sex. THIS. THIS, my friends….is the sex.

I am so easy, yet so hard to please.

PS–last night I had a rather uncomfortable encounter at a bar. It involved my arm being constantly stroked by a 50 year old man and being repeatedly told “you’re so cute, you’re so cute, everythings ok! You’re alright!” Needless to say, I had one drink and went home.

Last night was lovely. I went to dinner at Applebee’s and ate a perfectly well-rounded, weight-watchers friendly dinner with my family. Afterwards, we saw Indiana Jones which was campy but very entertaining. For SOME reason, I felt the need to completely self-sabotage and go to to Baker’s Square afterwards for some pie/cake. Anyway….the massive slice of cream cheese covered carrot-ness was totally worth the 920 calories and 22 weight watchers points.

I awoke this morning feeling guilty about said indulgence, and decided to take a hike through one of the big forests around here. Normally Kyle and I go everywhere together, but since he is in Toronto I decided to be a big girl and go by myself. It was quite enjoyable, I hiked all the way to the “top” of the forest or whatever where they have a neat scenic overlook. Good times. By myself. Lame. But good..

A shower is in order, but I am feeling quite tired/lazy/sinus pressured. Perhaps I will continue to bask in the grossness that is my apartment. And keep checking Jess’s website for an update about her hubby in Iraq. Scary stuff.

So my ANA blood test came back negative. This makes it highly unlikely that I have lupus. Great–but also not so great. Basically just means that I remain a big physical/mental illness mystery. Whatever, today is a good day and I feel fairly positive. We got out of our 6 hour lecture early today which was just fabulous. Kyle left for Toronto this morning to play in a basketball tournament with a bunch of Lithuanians (yeah, I have no idea) so I am lonely and the usual amount of bored. I keep throwing around the idea of another tattoo, and Natalie (classmate) said she would go with me. I’m so tempted, but can’t decide if I want to commit or not. It’s either shopping, gym membership or tattoo this weekend. Logically, the tattoo would probably be the most bang for my buck right? I don’t know if I am quite due for another one yet. My ribcage experience provided me with enough tattoo pain to last a good 5 years or so.

Anyone want to come drink champagne with me tonight? Seriously, kids. I need to acquire some friends. My social life is severely lacking.

I went to the doctor a few hours ago, primarily for a suspected sinus infection—but also to discuss my thoughts on a possible lupus diagnosis. I have been plagued with really strange physical ailments for many years of my life, and they seem to be getting worse as I get older. Anyway, I might be totally wrong with my self-diagnosis, but I figured–hey, why not just get the ball rolling and get the damn blood test. So in a few days, I should have a fairly definitive answer as to whether or not I have lupus.

As for the sinus infection, my doctor wants to try me on a nasal spray for a few days before prescribing antibiotics. I respect that. In nursing school they drill us all the time about how Americans abuse antibiotics and take them for everything under the sun, creating super antibiotic resistance. So ok doctor lady, fine. But if this ten pound pile of bricks on top of my face doesn’t disappear in three days, I will be calling back.

I still need a camera. And my second mouse died this morning.

Lucky for me, I got out of clinical really early today (as it was just orientation). While the moderate dose of Restoril helped me get a couple hours of sleep in last night, I am still severely lacking. Thanks to everyone with camera comments/suggestions. I didn’t end up winning the Olympus one on ebay, or any of the other 3842948302 cameras I bid on the past two days. Grrrrr. Everyone seems to rave about the Canon Powershots, so I might try to snag one of those.

Last night’s riding lesson was a little exciting. I ride with my boyfriend and one other very sweet girl. A big mess happened….and it went a little like this in a nutshell:

-Dog runs into arena
-Dog scares horse
-Horse kicks dog (badly)
-Both horses take the fuck off, and head straight towards eachother
-I bail, seeing that I am about to be smooshed between two large mammals and the wall
-Other girl falls off and smacks head on ground

Very scary! But everyone was ok, including Crosby (my trainer’s dog) who got kicked very badly in the abdomen. I was due for another fall though–so atleast I didn’t get injured. I am off to do some ebay-ing, napping, and lunch eating.

My 8 weeks of accelerated school hell begins tomorrow. Hopefully the first week will be easy–I honestly have no idea what is going on because the nursing department is all messed up right now. People quit, people got fired, nobody is handling our schedules correctly, so it all should be a friggin blast. My pumpkin muffin kindly purchased some fresh school supplies for me today at office max. New binder, fancy dividers, folders, notebook paper, yum.

I also did my ceremonial pre-semester apartment cleaning this morning. It basically involved me freaking the fuck out because everything was a mess. One thing led to another, and we now have a completely clean bathroom and rearranged kitchen. I will say it for the millionth time, I cannot wait to move out of here. We have one more month!!

So listen, I really need (ok not need…but desire) a new digital camera.

I’m still using the one I got my senior year of highschool (four years ago!) and it is a BEAST. (see below)

I really don’t need anything fancy, and Kyle is not a big fan of my “need” for a new camera. So I am bidding on this one on ebay right now. Thoughts?

So these VERY expensive shoes are all the rage among nursing students/nurses. Last semester was my first clinical rotation and I wore a cheap pair of white leather lace ups from Payless. I’m all for saving money and cutting corners but my feet paid dearly. So anyway, Kyle, being the nice giving boyfriend that he is–purchased me a pair of my very own $99 Dansko clogs. I just got them yesterday, and I can’t wait to wear the horrendous things. Seriously. It’s like wearing sex on your feet. Amazing. Only the best for Katelyn.

To go with my nice white clogs, I also purchased some lovely full support knee socks. Sexy.

Jess Tagged me in this music thing today where I have to make cds and compile a list of my current favorite songs. It will take some time though, because I am doing other non-important things with my waning spare time. Like taking walks around my apartment complex, and reading trash magazines. And drinking coffee. Because I can.