Brainshambles|

It’s really unfortunate that I don’t have any friends. What a waste of an absolutely lovely afternoon. I really want to go to the zoo but nobody will go with me, and the two people I text messaged haven’t responded

If I can get my lazy butt off this couch, I may go take a walk in the park or something. I get so stir crazy when I have nothing to do. Although I know that I should be cherishing these boring moments, because on Monday I will be back in the classroom/hospital for hours on end. Kyle said I could go look at furniture for our new apartment, but I hate doing that sort of thing alone because the sales sharks come out and try to hustle me. It’s just like going to get an oil change–they suck you in, and won’t let you out alive unless you are thoroughly convinced that you need that new air filter. Or in this case, ottoman.

I have been spending hours and hours and HOURS editing and adding to my riding instructor’s website. It’s getting a little compulsive. I need to take a smoke break or something. Too bad I don’t smoke.

Grades are up, I got a 3.857 this semester. One B+ away from a 4.0

I’m telling you, not working while going to school has done tremendous things for me. I should have plummeted into debt longgggggg before this semester. Let’s hope my summer semester goes equally well. I finally had time to get my hair dyed yesterday afternoon which was fabulous, as I was starting to look like some serious white trash. I also made it to the doctor who prescribed me yet another sleeping medication. I have exhausted all “normal” options, so we are now moving into the benzodiazapines. Being “special” is so much fun. Seriously.

PS—Regis and Kelly are so ungodly annoying. I hate when I roll out of bed too late for the “regular” news. I love me some morning news.

So I am officially on day ONE of my week-long summer break. How unfortunate that it must be raining. I have no idea what to do with myself besides repeatedly clean and organize our crap-tastic little apartment. Mother’s day was insane yesterday. We just had to go to Outback Steakhouse, which was a total zoo but entirely worth the 2+ hours of waiting. Kyle and I purchased a giant metal garbage can for my mother (yes, seriously) along with 50 pounds of bird seed. She has developed an affinity for backyard bird watching, which I think is so goofy but very cute.

The back of my knees are killing me. I received my new riding boots in the mail the other day and wore them to the barn yesterday morning. Breaking in stiff, tall, leather boots—ouch. But I am starting to look a little less ridiculous when I ride, which is a plus. As soon as my mom alters the sleeves on my show jacket I will be all set to compete against bratty little 12 year olds.

Done with this pointless update. Kthanksbye.

What if the only reason he holds back is out of fear that his big brother wouldn’t approve?

I’ll bet you dollars to daisies.

Sometimes you need to throw caution to the wind and just live.

Five months ago, I began the journey called “Weight Watchers”. Yes, I was only 138 pounds when I started…but 138 pounds on a 5′3″ frame just wasn’t working out anymore. I let myself get too comfortable and threw all healthy choices out the window. After years of failed diets, I made the decision one day to join the online program, and I have never looked back.

This morning I met my last and final weight loss goal, and have gone from a thick 138 to a svelte 112. I have never felt better about myself and am completely baffled that I was able to actually STICK to something like this for five months. Now the real journey begins, maintenance mode. They gave me four more “points” per day now that I have reached my goal, and it feels so strange to plan meals with 22 points a day rather than 18. I am thrilled.

Enough of that. I tried to sleep in this morning, but my propensity for early mornings never fails. I have a final exam (definitely the toughest of the bunch) this afternoon at three which I have completely given up studying for. I cannot look at another damn power point slide. Time to go make coffee and watch the news.

I am a hypochondriac, and I know this. Therefore I have really been trying to not instantly freak out when I am plagued by strange ailments (which happens quite often). Anyway, so about three weeks ago my psychiatrist upped my Lamictal from 50mg to 100mg, and ever since I have been experiencing really weird shortness of breath and bruising. I’ve been trying to ignore it, pass it off as a temporary side effect. But seriously, I have had enough. I get so dizzy from trying to take deep enough breaths and it’s getting super uncomfortable. As a nursing student, I naturally jump to conclusions and predict what could be unfolding inside of my body. So whatever–I called the doctors office and reported my shortness of breath/bruising an hour ago. I had been holding off the phone call because I knew they’d want to take my blood, as it sounds like I may be experiencing some sort of crazy anemia.

I hope they call me back soon, but I also kind of hope that they don’t. I hate getting blood drawn. Funny, I can have my body tattooed like WHOA, but absolutely freak over a tiny blood draw.

What if I have tuberculosis? Stop it. What if I have cancer and I’ve waited too long to say something? Stop it.

I hope my riding lesson can take my mind off of it. Unless of course, I have my usual bout of breath-shortness, and pass out while jumping. Maybe I should just go take a nap.

I don’t know why I am feeling so happy this morning, really…it’s always such an unusual feeling for me. At least lately, with the whirlwind of medication adjustment and random health problems (I am 100% confident that I have lupus, but don’t want it on my medical record so I refuse to go get the blood tests).

Anyway, I think there are a variety of reasons I awoke feeling unusually content this morning:

a) I am not pregnant
b) Kyle and I are having turkey dinner at mom’s tonight
c) I don’t have clinicals for another two weeks
d) My financial worries are temporarily halted, thanks to my EXTREMELY generous and caring boy

I love when it’s sunny out and I can sit here while Kyle is still sleeping and enjoy “me” time. I know that sounds uber lame, and it probably is. I’m turning into an old person…waking up early every morning to drink my coffee, watch the news, and cook myself eggs. I used to be such a shit head. Domestic bliss is so much more fun than pink hair, drugs, bad music and teenage apathy.

I got my first nasty comment from a stranger.

brainshambles.com has officially lost it’s virginity. yessssss.

We just signed a lease for a new luxury apartment that is TEN trillion times better than the shit hole we currently are living in. It’s not a high-rise, it actually has pretty landscaping, and a nice community!

Two bedrooms, two full baths, cathedral ceilings, my very own washer and dryer, ducks running around the property….no more nasty smelling hallways and fear of gun-point robberies!

And to top off the evening…my credit score is a 729. How that is so….I have NO fucking idea. But I won’t argue.