Every little landslide, catch it in my hand I wont say a word.

May 29

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Make life pretty. Cover the scars with colour. Blind the darkness with light.

May 29

For some reason
I feel like spewing everything,
telling you all my secrets, thoughts and compulsions
until they are almost meaningless
and the words float out of my mouth
and become part of the air
until suddenly they aren’t even part of me,
rather they are yours to play with,
to place in your pocket for later
and I am free.

And when I find myself doing this,
such strange behavior which I cannot explain
or even stop, I can’t help but wonder
what makes me tick?
What makes this real, what is the stimulus
that elicits such a raw and gluttonous
desire to share the most mundane bits
leaving me so purposely vulnerable?

My hair used to look just like this. Back when I was hip and neat.

Now…I look like this. Because life is peculiar.

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Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living.

May 25

I am sitting in my new home, in my new office, with new internet. Guzzling coffee before I trek to work, after potentially one of the worst nights of sleep in two months.

The cats need to get used to this new place and stop throwing my belongings around. Phone=floor. Alarm clock=floor. Over and over and over.

Tonight I am meeting a counselor at Lake Erie College, and attending the MBA orientation. Here we go. And she hits the ground running.

My heart is palpitating and my head is pounding. Time to depart.

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I you’re a bird, I’m a bird

May 21

I want to go everywhere. And it’s driving me nuts.

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Don’t fight the darkness. Face life as you find it. Defiantly and unafraid.

May 20

I am taking my life. Wrapping it around MY index finger, like a lock of curly blonde hair, and RUNNING headfirst into the wind.

Self preservation is key. This battle is not about winning or losing. This battle is about surviving. Not even just surviving. I am prepared for an assault (almost always even if one isn’t identified as imminent). After all the walls have been broken down. When or if all that remains is a tattered, bruised body and mind. Despite the exhaustion or toils endured, I will still radiate life. I am creating little pathways…and in the end, when the battle is over (though it can never really end), perhaps then I can declare a win.

Breathe. Me. In.

Are you prepared for a ride? Do you want to see the world in new way with me? Do you want to reinvent? Or shall I have a go at it alone?

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