Gross dogs.

Nov 27

This week/weekend has not been a glamorous one. My saint of a family came over last night to bring me homemade soup and clean up my kitchen (which I’ve so terribly neglected). Kyle helps me out a ton with the chores, but he’s been preoccupied being neurotic in our nursery. For our babies that aren’t due until May. Its green, my friends. A nice grassy/minty/baby puke green. And we have cribs. Bizarre. Meanwhile, I continue to deepen the crater that’s developing in our basement couch.

In other news, Rupert smells really bad. And he’s getting too fat for me to lift him. We are similar creatures…these days.

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Giving in to the pounds.

Nov 21

For as lazy and lethargic as I have been this weekend, it was also a fairly productive few days. After work on Friday, my parents so generously took me out for an early-bird maternity clothing sale. I’m only creeping towards the 3-month milestone, but my 104 pound pre-pregnancy lifestyle has really been challenged in the fashion area. I work in an office and have to “dress up” every day, so the obstacle of picking out clothes during my nauseating morning routing started to become pretty daunting. I only had so many “tent-shaped” shirts and “fat-day” pants. My mom is a very hip-but-sensible costume designer and she always helps me find the best items to wear. I like taking her with me because she is great at hunting down styles and urging me to try on things that I’d normally never even take off the rack. It was a successful trip, and I came out with an entire new belly-expanding wardrobe that should work in my favor for many months.

Saturday morning was also busy on the shopping front, but this time it was Kyle’s mom who was doing the damage. She generously took us to Babies-R-Us to simply look at furniture and gather ideas. Little did I know, she would soon help us pick out and even order the entire nursery. This is a pretty big deal, considering we had to get TWO cribs in addition to a dresser and changing table. She also treated us to TWO of the best car seats that will fit in the double-stroller that will be on our registry. I am truly so thankful for the generosity shown by our families while we figure out how on earth to make this all work. We are getting a very early start on some things (like the nursery, which is already primed), mostly because Kyle is one of those people who need to “work” out their stress. But also because all the things we’ve read about twins suggest that you start tasks as early as comfortably possible, due to the often unpredictable delivery date.

When we were wandering around the baby store, I kept thinking…what am I going to put on my registry, we already have the car seats and furniture?! But it only takes a few moments of advice and insight to realize just how much random “stuff” these babies are going to need. Sort of frightening. Sort of fun. Mostly just frightening at this point.

I have been exhausted beyond comprehension lately. My normal sleep issues have only worsened, and often nights I spend staring at the walls for hours. Kyle has been a peach though, doing the laundry and putting up with my ridiculousness. I am very much looking forward to Wednesday night, because I will officially be off of work for four days. I am not normally a huge fan of the Thanksgiving Holiday, but this year I feel like the food, family, and short time off from work will really benefit me.

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Nov 17

Don’t get me wrong, despite being TERRIFIED and continuously in a state of shock, I am excited about the changes that will come with bringing two (did I mention that? TWO?) babies in to the world. But for the record, I wanted to make a brief and probably ongoing list of things I really miss that I’ve had to give up for pregnancy:

-Red wine
-Turkey Sandwiches (really, this “no-lunch-meat” rule is so irrational, but it’s left me paranoid)
-Being too thin for nearly all the dress pants in my wardrobe
-Wearing a size 0 or less
-Drinking coffee while checking blogs before work
-Drinking coffee all day at work
-Eating fish whenever I want and not freaking out about how many ounces I’ve had in a week
-Being able to work for 12 hours without a break and hardly noticing
-Keeping totally in control of my house cleaning
-Doing the cat litter (yes, I miss this, only because I could do it as often and whenever I felt neurotically necessary)
-Being able to wear my wedding rings
-Laying on my stomach to sleep
-Horseback riding
-Having the energy to straighten my hair and/or do great eye makeup

Of course, there are surely a few things I can list that I am starting to appreciate about pregnancy as well:

-Buying cute new shirts
-Wearing more comfortable shoes to work and not feeling totally guilty/lazy
-Eating like a normal person and not a bird
-Trying new foods/eating old comfort foods
-My dog Rupert being super crazy affectionate and protective
-Kyle doing doing more cleaning/laundry
-Dreaming about all the fun things I’m going to shop for
-Feeling fairly confident in myself despite cutting my “prep” time in half because I’m so ill/tired

But the best thing so far, and truly a positive change which I know will only grow stronger is really enlightening. Despite doubling over with morning (or “all-day”) sickness, it feels so refreshing to realize that almost subconsciously, I’ve stopped obsessing about myself and my image because I’m suddenly so focused on preparing myself and my household for the babies. I am so far from perfect and will be self conscious like any woman. But right now, it seems so non-important whether or not I wear eyeliner or high heels to work, or if I say the right things. I just want to be healthy, and I hold my breath before I get to see the little peapods again on an ultrasound. I hope I’m doing the best I can.

Ice cream and white bread and reese’s cups aren’t the best. But I figure, so long as I precede them with some whole grains and a few servings of fruit per day…the comfort is worth it.

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And now for the news.

Nov 13

I’ve been absent from here for quite a while. There have been many reasons for this hiatus, but one dominates. I am ever so close to the “safe” zone, and as my family and most coworkers know now…I feel like I need to justify my little self on brainshambles. It also feels appropriate to write about my experiences now, because I spent yesterday at the hospital and then commiserating in my basement on the couch. I went to bed feeling pretty horrendous despite the aid of medical intervention. But this morning (at about 5:00 a.m.) something bizarre happened. I awoke feeling, hungry. And then very awake. And then ready to pick up the pieces of my behind-schedule life. A quiet, fairly clean house…still dark from the seasonal time change, and a cup of tea with the dogs. This is what I’ve needed for nearly two months.

Are you sick of reading yet? Well, the reason I place so much emphasis on the triumph of waking up without crying, writhing, or hyperventilating…is because my husband and I are about 10 weeks pregnant.

With twins.

And I hope that this morning is a sign of more good to come. I am so thankful for my great family who came out in full force to heal me. And my wonderful amazing husband…he amazes me more every day with the level of devotion to this cause. Our cause.

So…here’s to a future of…mommy blogging? You know, the sassy fun kind, written by 24 year old blond mamas with tattoos and wiener dogs.

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