When does it start to work?

May 31

I keep saying to myself that if I could just catch up on a few hours sleep everything would come together. That’s always the phrase…”if I could just get an hour…even an hour…”

Insomnia. Twin preemies. Pop-in visitors. This is out of control.

But Kyle and I must stay strong for each other. For our little darlings. For our 5 pound (YES! FINALLY 5 pounds!) angels.

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Apres moi, le deluge

May 27

This morning, I can say, was the first time I felt the whole “oh…you’ll never sleep, ever, with a new baby”. Kyle sleeps very well, but I do not. Around 6:00 a.m. Paige decided she was only happy being held, rather than in her crib…so we sat and fell asleep as the sun came up this morning. And, it started all over again.

As tired as I am, I made something of this day. Better to be busy, always better to be busy. It’s amazing how much there is to do as a stay at home mother of twins (I say “stay at home” with a temporary reference…as it won’t be long). I didn’t even brush my teeth until 10:30 a.m….which is LATE LATE LATE for this early bird.

It stopped raining, and my day looked a lot like this:

So…with everyone else passed out throughout the afternoon, I thought, hey…let’s try and feel “pretty” again. After swiffering the house, smothering everything in Lysol (because that’s what I do, all day long), I took 20 minutes to tend to myself. Not too shabby. I sort of miss getting all nice for work every morning. Breaking out the hair crap reminded me of this. But I also miss staring at my little girls. So…back to them I go. :)

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“The house does not rest upon the ground, but upon a woman.”

May 25

I love mornings. Always have. Everyone is asleep…and I can clean as much as I want and Lysol surfaces as MANY times as I desire without any interruption or teasing. I have one hour left before Audrey and Paige need to be fed…so this will be quick.

Our first pediatrician appointment went really well. They are both gaining, which was our biggest worry. Audrey is 4lb 12 oz, Paige is 4lb 9 oz. Still so freaking tiny. Today they would be 36 weeks gestational age, if, you know, I hadn’t failed at completing my third trimester. I continue to be overwhelmed with gratitude as people I know and don’t know reach out to my little family and help us. I am so humbled. It is weird to feel so humbled after years of admittedly being so vain.

The girls being swallowed whole by their ENORMOUS car seats.

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Coffee please. Yes, I’ve had two cups. MORE coffee.

May 24

I dress my little girls like little boys. This is not by choice (although I do fancy little boy outfits). Preemie clothes are hard to find, and apparently Wal-Mart is a misogynist company.

Audrey and Paige

Last night, the alarm was supposed to be set for 2:30am. It never went off…and I woke to the sounds of fussy babies at 4:30am. EPIC fail for preemie parents…missing their feeding time by TWO hours…yeah. But they are living still, so it goes on. Today Kyle and I have to figure out how to get them to their first pediatrician appointment. We have the car, we have the car seats, and even the babies. What we don’t have just yet is the sanity. I just hope to god that they’ve gained and not lost since the NICU. My little heart is exploding with nervousness.

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May 22

My little ladies came home today after spending 21 days in the NICU.

The house is very (and strangely) quiet. And I’m mostly concerned with the temperature. Are they too hot? To cold? Should I undo the swaddle? Am I going to starve them to death? Ahhh.

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