July 29, 2011 – Smiles on a rainy day.

Jul 29

Audrey has just started smiling up a storm. Paige is still an angry little baby, and I usually only get smiles first thing in the morning from her. These little moments melt my heart.

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STOP. B R E A T H E.

Jul 28

Oh my goodness. Some important days are quickly sneaking up on me.

My one year wedding anniversary is on Sunday, August 7th. Wow. WOW.

Conveniently, my first day back to work full time is the very next day, Monday, August 8th.

I hope I can find the strength to enjoy celebrating this past year of love and growth with my wonderful husband, despite the day being overshadowed by a big whopping heap of mommy guilt.

I am going to make SURE to relish this coming weekend and cuddle my little baby girls more than ever. Kyle is just as tired and works equally as hard as me. I’m crossing fingers and begging the universe to give us just a teeny tiny break over the next few days. We need it. This little family needs it so bad.

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Failure to thrive

Jul 27

This night time routine has me losing the will to live.

I could manage the 3:30am feeding followed by the 7:00am feeding by myself pretty well.

Last night we went to bed at 10p, were up at 12:30a, 1:30a, 3:30a, 5:00a, 6:50a. Fuss fuss fuss fuss fuss ANGRY BABIES HATE ME SO HARD.

Off to work in my basement/cave/office and hope the coffee kicks in.

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And…for your daily dose of cuteness…

Jul 23

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July 22, 2011 – They say it gets better…

Jul 22

Everyone keeps telling me that things will get better as the girls get older. The strangest thing is…everything seems to just be escalating? The twins were easier to care for when they were 4 pound, fresh-out-of-the-NICU preemies. These girls are almost 12 weeks old (but really, 4 weeks adjusted age). It’s all really confusing. I’ve known them for 3 whole months, they are the size of/act like 1 month olds, and yet I feel like we still don’t know one another. I am thankful for the gift of having two healthy babies. But sometimes – I feel like the twin factor prevents me from spending enough time learning about each one individually. I should know what I’m doing by now…and I still have no clue. Last night was one of our worst. The best way to sum it up is this: I am avidly against cosleeping. Last night, (or this morning, as it was 4:00 a.m.) I ended up sleeping in the guest bedroom with Audrey nestled beside me. That’s how bad it was.

IT WAS SO BAD THAT MY NEUROTIC SELF RISKED SMOTHERING A BABY JUST TO GET HER TO SLEEP.

And it worked.

And now I feel like I’m teetering on a slippery slope of poor sleep habits. It won’t happen again.

/end crazy mama rant

In other news…oh wait, there isn’t any. I’m working my tail off part time (ha, ha), juggling twins usually alone, tired as hell, and have rapidly increased my coffee habit to 5 whole cups per day.

But my husband is a saint, and after all that bitching (excuse my french, sorry, no eloquence this week), he deserves a big shout out. Thank you, Kyle, for knowing exactly when I need a break. Thank you for working hard. Thanks for suffering with me.

It has to be worth it…it just has to.

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