Brainshambles

My first bedroom had blue/green carpet, yellow walls, and clown decor. I remember only three specific images from this room in my first house on Saratoga. One pillowcase (It had a big droopy dog on the front). One plastic clown lamp next to my bed. And one 10 gallon fish tank. Also from this time [...]

Suddenly you’re scared and you don’t know why. Life has taken over life. Issues have glazed over issues, enameling your ability to move. And suddenly, there you are in such an unpleasantly familiar position. You’re watching it all pile up like a bad car accident in slow motion. But only for a moment, because as [...]

Occasionally, in between beats of my constantly fluttering wings, I take a look down at myself. Being so constantly stimulated (a state of my own natural choosing) is tiresome but at the same time keeps me bright. Even when I reach a peak of lethargy, I envision a tiny little coal inside my chest glowing [...]

This post is all me…all amateur me. You know, just being my usual preposterous mix of coy, busy, insane, bored, and fabulous.

I wake up at 5:41 a.m., feeling less than satisfied. The lights turn on, still nobody feels home. I muster up enough energy on this particular morning (and many like it shall follow) to apply the bare minimum war paint upon my face. I think fleetingly about the irony–my constant lack of breathing room, juxtaposed [...]

1. This weekend I acquired a new tattoo, it’s fabulous and made everything feel fine. Even if for a moment. 2. I modeled in a Runway show to benefit St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital. See a few admittedly un-edited photos below. 3. I fell in love with M.A.C. cosmetics…and will be visiting Nordstroms’s ASAP to [...]

Everything is all jumbled. Everything that comes to mind lacks desired eloquence. This weekend, I am distracting myself with new photography equipment, bike rides, work, and the goal of losing 2 pounds before tomorrow’s fashion show. It was a chai type of morning. I wish I was as glamorous as I pretend to be. Chunk [...]

I pulled crinkled pages out of the printer this evening, looked at my hands, and just as quick as I had scrubbed them clean–they were covered in black ink. I rubbed my fingers voraciously only to realize that I was smudging ink deeper into skin. And it hit me, like a train to the brain. [...]

A bounding pulse races through wires only to be temporarily halted at various points throughout the day. It is subject to sudden stops and starts, perhaps making it vulnerable but also always prepared to move. Surprising amounts of time have passed since I’ve had the urge to cut my blonde locks or embellish this skin [...]

I carry with me a few particularly vivid memories of my early childhood. For example, and I have no idea why, but I can remember this lamp that sat next to my bed when I was maybe 3 or 4 years old. It was a bunch of plastic ballons, and I loved it. Across from [...]