So fresh and so clean, clean

Feb 22

Lists are both the easy way out, and the honest way in. So let’s recap the last 12 months, shall we?

  • Celebrated my twins’ 4-year birthday (they’re still alive and thriving in tenacious form)
  • Completed year-1 of Global Marketing Manager domination
  • Traveled around the globe
  • Mourned the loss of a cousin, to suicide
  • And an aunt, to violent homicide
  • Hired people
  • Mentored people
  • Loved people
  • Bent, broke and snapped in all ways possible (but using a metaphor, they do say that when new bones grow, they’re often stronger than the old ones. Verdict is still out)
  • Perfected the gin and tonic
  • Got really uncomfortable with new people by choice, laying foundation for creative magic
  • Practiced the art of delegation (still learning)
  • Earned a majestic rheumatoid diagnosis that is typically reserved for people of turkish or asian decent (breaking molds is basically my craft)
  • Sculpted some crazy abs, while eating tortilla chips and cheese daily (own it)
  • Turned off the little icon on my iPhone email app that shows me how many unread emails I have – life changing, I tell you
  • Moved my home office into the basement, which was the best idea ever once I solved some obsessive lighting issues
  • Got over the idea of perfection, only mildly

It’s uncanny, when you turn the music on after it’s been off for so long. Bombs away.











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That’s when you’ll feel my kind.

Oct 22

I have lots to write about. Even some pictures. But as usual, time and tasks have gotten the better of me so they will have to wait just a bit longer. For “diary style” documentation purposes…I am still recovering from my second whirlwind trip to the United Kingdom that ended just a week ago, focusing deeply on loving my family, loving myself, and savoring all of the sweetest, most passionate and powerful moments I can – no matter how small or how short. That’s not to say I’m an exemplary student in the class of life right now – as stress and self doubt can, has, and will again rear its ugly head. But I will love. I will heal. I will create. And most importantly, I will never cease my quest to not only find, but to be the light that touches my world. Hold fast.

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Flames Illuminate our Faces

Mar 03

It all comes back in tsunami waves, like a kaleidoscope of daydreams or perhaps nightmares in color. Wonder where they all are right now? What are they doing, those other people that are hurting or suffering?

The worst part isn’t losing someone or something else. It’s losing yourself. But its in that fallout period, whether a quick outburst or an agonizing string of hours, days and months – where you expect to find your savior, your Jesus, whatever it was that once helped grab you from the burning flames of your own mental detriment. During that fallout, is when you find your light, uncover the sacred scriptures that you once wrote and hid underneath rudimentary layers of growth and empowerment for safekeeping. For times just like these.

But when the lines blur, not even blur but hallucinate – and you struggle to determine if you really “knew” yourself and your convictions to begin with, it makes any loss, threatened or realized even more dangerous. So what do we do when everything is in question and even the most concrete particles of our carefully built, refined, tested and proven persona find themselves standing alone in the limelight?

Maybe, you just leave without a word.
Maybe you keep searching, playing the game.
Maybe you stop clicking on plastic keys.
Where did those ivory ones go?
They left with him, and him…and him.
Is that even fair?

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Free Yourself.

Nov 12

I always find it unfortunate and a bit jarring when it takes a major storm or event to bring people, myself most humbly included, back down to earth. Life has only kept going and with it – the earth spinning. But this space has grown quiet for far too long minus a few bits of random thought firings. And as busy as I am, trying to beat that alarm and pour my next cup of coffee, perhaps my next glass of wine, other things are slowing down. I’m losing someone really dear to me. I’ve always been a writer, never short on words and thoughts, a serial over-sharer. Yet, these types of posts remain a bit cryptic by nature. Still, I suppose I’ve felt the need for a bit of blood-letting so here we are, shambles.
Let’s do it old school. Bullets? Anyone?

1. Getting back to the barn and riding weekly has proven (as I both feared and prayed) to be a saving grace for my sanity. What a breath of fresh air. I can’t wait to start showing again. Adrenaline. Air. Large mammals. Pretty posture. Jumping.

2. My little girls just had their 18 month check-up. They are strong as ever, and only 19 pounds each. So precious and full of fire.

3. I’ve steered away from being particularly self reflective for the past, I don’t know, year or so? It’s happening again, and I’m choosing (today) to ride it out and let it just be. If you’re here, I figure…you fell in love with it, so, right.

4. Thinking about going from platinum to ginger this week…no big deal.

5. I hate when people ask me what I “do”. It’s getting a bit too fuzzy. Seriously, how do women answer that question? (I wanted to write “women of my caliber” but realized that would read only one way – PRETENTIOUS. But there, see what I did? I guess we’ve just killed two birds?)

6. I absolutely love MRIs. I spent 2 hours in an MRI machine recently and it was the most blissful 2 hours of my recent history. Apparently, such response is atypical. My sports medicine specialist thinks I’m pretty fly.

7. Work has provided me the “luxury” of an iPhone 5. It’s scary, and I like it.

8. I still eat oatmeal every single day, just in case you were wondering (hey, I said we were going old school here with the blogging…)

9. I still am on an old vine Zinfandel kick with seasonal beers tossed in between.

10. Being wordy is exhausting. I live for it. Sometimes they take it, sometimes they leave it. Seems like it matters most when it’s GONE.

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So I went to England that one time…

Sep 01

I returned from my first international business trip a few days ago. It went nothing like I expected, which isn’t necessarily negative. I have many gorgeous “professional” photos I took on my rare few hours of sightseeing before all hell broke loose, but until life resumes to normal (approximately 2 weeks from now), these rare blackberry photos will serve as my proof of visitation. I’ve never been so busy that I couldn’t take pictures for or of myself on a trip. This one is literally the only specimen…and it’s just of me in a Marriott. I promise a better reflection to come.

Monday Morning in London.

Big Bus Tour, London, UK

Big Bus Tour, London, UK

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