Brainshambles|

Realizing just how much material I missed by switching to classes that had been in session for three weeks. I guess we will find out by the end of next week just how well I can handle playing this game of catch-up. Private school taught me how to cram last minute and as Tim Gunn would say, “make it work”. Hopefully my usual craftiness will prevail.

I also updated my “about me” section this morning, considering I am no longer a ridiculously unhappy nursing student. I still lack a life…but it seems to be getting better. I start work again tomorrow at the Vet which should be interesting to say the least. I accomplished little-to-nothing this weekend. Instead I spent too much money on electronics, ate ice cream about 6 times, and spent time with my fabulous neighbor friend. Time to hit the books, put the scrubs back on (but not gross white nursing scrubs…yay!!) and get this show on the road.

I have also been strongly considering cancelling my weight watchers account. It would save me 16 dollars a month and I feel like I spend too much time thinking about points and food and what not. I don’t know though…a little risky. I don’t want to fall into old habits, and my Weight Watchers Online keeps me accountable.

Blogs are so retarded. Do you SEE what I just spent 10 minutes writing about? NOTHING. A whole lot of NOTHING.

Don’t have the energy or even proper state of mind to elaborate. But I will say this—

Today will go down in the history as the day I quit nursing school. Officially a Liberal Arts major. Fucking most insane day of my life.

I’ve got a hunch that my statistics class may just end up being my easiest course this semester. Which is surprising, really…considering my poor math skills. My instructor seems pretty laid back and he has a neat accent (which I cannot yet pinpoint) which makes his lecture a lot easier to listen to. I am killing time here, so bear with my redundancy. I’d really love to know when my school refund check is coming in the mail considering I’ve got a 3,000 dollar credit card to pay off. In addition to my normal bills, I am really itching for a small GPS system for my car and a new desktop computer. Kyle is against the purchase of both but I am trying to convince him of my legitimate needs for both items. The GPS would help me stop having anxiety attacks while driving, and the computer–well, mine is just about dead. I think it has computer AIDS. I am a walking electronic nightmare. I kill computers and cell phones all the time. It’s just what I do. I kill things. Mice, cell phones, cars, laptops, t.v. remotes, vacuum cleaners…

Off to my last class of the day.

So my ANA blood test came back negative. This makes it highly unlikely that I have lupus. Great–but also not so great. Basically just means that I remain a big physical/mental illness mystery. Whatever, today is a good day and I feel fairly positive. We got out of our 6 hour lecture early today which was just fabulous. Kyle left for Toronto this morning to play in a basketball tournament with a bunch of Lithuanians (yeah, I have no idea) so I am lonely and the usual amount of bored. I keep throwing around the idea of another tattoo, and Natalie (classmate) said she would go with me. I’m so tempted, but can’t decide if I want to commit or not. It’s either shopping, gym membership or tattoo this weekend. Logically, the tattoo would probably be the most bang for my buck right? I don’t know if I am quite due for another one yet. My ribcage experience provided me with enough tattoo pain to last a good 5 years or so.

Anyone want to come drink champagne with me tonight? Seriously, kids. I need to acquire some friends. My social life is severely lacking.

Five months ago, I began the journey called “Weight Watchers”. Yes, I was only 138 pounds when I started…but 138 pounds on a 5′3″ frame just wasn’t working out anymore. I let myself get too comfortable and threw all healthy choices out the window. After years of failed diets, I made the decision one day to join the online program, and I have never looked back.

This morning I met my last and final weight loss goal, and have gone from a thick 138 to a svelte 112. I have never felt better about myself and am completely baffled that I was able to actually STICK to something like this for five months. Now the real journey begins, maintenance mode. They gave me four more “points” per day now that I have reached my goal, and it feels so strange to plan meals with 22 points a day rather than 18. I am thrilled.

Enough of that. I tried to sleep in this morning, but my propensity for early mornings never fails. I have a final exam (definitely the toughest of the bunch) this afternoon at three which I have completely given up studying for. I cannot look at another damn power point slide. Time to go make coffee and watch the news.

Despite my rigorous efforts to develop an affinity for soy milk, I can now say with confidence…it is all effing gross. Plain, vanilla, chocolate, low fat, regular…all of it. Nasty. And now I have to finish off two full cartons, one vanilla and one chocolate.

I have a riding lesson tonight and then I plan on praying to the sleep gods. If I could just get 4 full hours…oh, to be so lucky. Then it’s up at 4:30 a.m. tomorrow morning for another day of clinical AWESOMENESS. Can you sense my sarcasm? Is it burning your retinas?

I was hoping to experience two evenings in a row of orgasmic sleep, but last night was just not my night. Although their commercials are witty and quite enticing, the makers of Rozerem LIE. Mass media LIARS. Yes my dreams miss me, no I won’t be seeing them soon.

On top of my characteristic insomnia, I was blessed with a spring time allergic reaction. For me, this means a bright red neck, insane itching, and a head full of snot. Makes for a lovely evening. But I will sacrifice my good health for pleasant weather. When the temperature is above 50 degrees, life seems to suck a lot less. I am so ready for this weekend. Even though I have to work tomorrow morning at 7:30 a.m., I don’t CARE, because that means one more day of NOT being in a clinical with a psychotic, mumbling, menopausal professor. Speaking of clinicals, I finally ordered two new pair of crispy white scrub pants that should actually fit me. And they are halfway cute…as cute as white can be on a pear shaped petite.

Off to watch some Discovery Channel. Yeah.

I took my last Ambien sample last night. And this time, instead of sitting around waiting for it to kick in and make me drunker than hell, I did it the right way. Took the pill, went directly to bed.

MUCH better results, I must say. This is the first time in months I have slept 8 full hours. Hopefully my elevated energy level will make this morning’s clinical less horrifying. I’m praying that I don’t get someone who has diarrhea, or diapers, or urinary incontinence or something. I just am not ready for that kinda hotness. Seriously.

Time to guzzle my coffee, and mentally prepare.

So this morning, APPARENTLY…I deserved a verbal ass kicking, IN FRONT of patients, because the linens on the bed I made had two wrinkles, at the corners. This professor, who has NO idea what is going on, in any area of her/our lives, is making my entire clinical group’s first experience on the floor a complete and living hell. I have been up for about 15 hours straight, and so glad to be home. Tomorrow should be awesome, I have to be up bright and early (again) for a quiz, a lecture, a pharmacology test (yet to be studied), and then a lovely evening of shitty-quality nursing homework. Because apparently, I am just a peon in the world of health care, and a complete failure because I allow my linens to become wrinkled, and spend time actually trying to do a little research on my patient before I enter his room.

Guess what I’m doing all night long?

Doing homework days before it’s due? Is this possible? After an entire life lived on last minute pressure?
It feels good. Yet, now I just find myself fixating on more shit that will be due in the future. In a week. In two weeks. Shit. Nursing. Kill. AHHHHH.

I had a mild frozen custard binge last night, which made me feel really guilty. But proudly, I woke up this morning and dragged my ass to the gym to do 33 minutes on the elliptical. Chump change for the average athletic, I know. But 33 minutes is a pretty big feat for me, on the elliptical machine. Hopefully, if I don’t succumb to my inner fat girl, I can manage to at least maintain at my Wednesday weigh-in.

I am tired. But feeling fairly mentally stable, which is strange. I’ll take it. Maybe the Lamictal really is kicking in. That would be baller.