That’s when you’ll feel my kind.

Oct 22

I have lots to write about. Even some pictures. But as usual, time and tasks have gotten the better of me so they will have to wait just a bit longer. For “diary style” documentation purposes…I am still recovering from my second whirlwind trip to the United Kingdom that ended just a week ago, focusing deeply on loving my family, loving myself, and savoring all of the sweetest, most passionate and powerful moments I can – no matter how small or how short. That’s not to say I’m an exemplary student in the class of life right now – as stress and self doubt can, has, and will again rear its ugly head. But I will love. I will heal. I will create. And most importantly, I will never cease my quest to not only find, but to be the light that touches my world. Hold fast.

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Memorial Day Weekend

May 26

I’ve had a lot on my plate, nothing out of the ordinary. Lately, these girls do the best job of making me slow down without even trying. Like, when I’m trying to catch up on bills or write month-late thank you cards and we decide to make art. Live it. Love it. Go with the flow.
Art Girls



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Happy New Year

Jan 01

I started a traditional reflective post last night, trying to conjure up the highlights and lowlights of 2012 before the ball dropped. But it just seemed like so much happened over the past year and I couldn’t articulate everything in quite the right way. Needless to say, my night was calm, quiet and uneventful. I played word games and watched Ryan Seacrest – enjoying a glass of cheap champagne for posterity. I thought today might bring a fresh perspective, but today is already coming to a close – a sure sign of another busy year. So I’ll leave with this visual delight – my girls having their very first “sled ride” today. It only lasted about 5 sweet minutes, but Audrey and Paige needed some fresh air.

First Sled Ride

Unhappy Sled Ride!

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Christmas Eve 2012

Dec 24

This has been one crazy year. Lives have grown, changed, ebbed and flowed as the wind blew them around, while others came to a calm yet bittersweet end. I’m starting to feel reflective, but surely more so in the coming days. In a world that often (lately?) feels overshadowed by stress, uncertainty and dreams not manifested as planned – I must remind myself that tremendous feats and growth have happened this year. With a little help from myself and a lot from others, I became a stronger woman. Love and patience was tested, passion won. My daughters are beautiful. They challenge me everyday, and warm my soul. So much could be said here. Passion for all things will get us through. I’ve made a commitment to being true to self, with eagerness to be better – through acts of kindness, love and persistence. Love and be loved. Share the good. Merry Christmas.

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Mourning Loss. Giving Thanks. 2012.

Nov 23

It was a Wednesday morning. 10:45 a.m., and I was in a staff meeting on the day before Thanksgiving. The conversation had shifted to some generally unimportant topic, and I happened to flip over my phone. The screen said it right there. Strings of pictures had just been updloaded to facebook only minutes earlier – pictures of my Grandfather with the letters “R.I.P”. I knew it was coming, not sure exactly when but soon. Not much can prepare someone for learning about the death of a dearly cherished family member. But nothing in the world can prepare someone for learning just like that. I knew what was going on. We talked on the phone a few weeks ago. I said “I love you”, knowing it might be my last time. But then it hits you like a bullet in the chest. How? Why that way? Why that time, in that place, just like that?

I get paid (not entirely for, but as part of one of my many job requirements) to manage social media. On Wednesday, November 21st of 2012, I picked up my things in the middle of a full conference room, and walked straight out, to the empty room next door. Not a word. Pure confusion. In that moment, I hated everything that I’d spent years trying to evangelize.

But then minutes passed. I don’t know what’s considered normal, but for me, hours passed. I stayed in one locked room at work for the rest of the day because I didn’t know what else to do. And it was the best I could have done. And then before you know it, the next morning was Thanksgiving.

And today is Black Friday. I still don’t have an idea of whether I’m on the right path, the crooked path, or the perfectly squiggly interesting path. I just know that I have love in my heart, hurt in my bones, passion and fire (the good kinds, the bad kinds) in my veins. I’ve spent the last few days in sweatpants with company of just a few family members, mostly staying quiet and smooshing my little girls. Life is messy and predictably unpredictable. I keep saying that to myself…one day, hopefully, I’ll either stop being surprised or start being enlightened.

I’ve never wanted to put my fingers on the keys of that Wurlitzer so bad.

For my grandfather. Thank you for showing me how kind and gentle good men in this world can be. Thank you for sharing your life with me.

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