I am a glow stick.

Jan 12

I wish I could confidently ink the ever popular phrase, “regret nothing” in French of course, somewhere across this fleshy canvas that blankets my soul. I’ve been thinking a lot about this concept sporadically over the past few weeks, maybe years. It would be such a lovely phrase to call my own, to say to myself or others without actually speaking a word.

But I have regrets. I am guilty, and for every occasional day I proclaim “I have no regrets!”, there are two more days that follow, suffocating beneath the opposite sentiment. Is it even realistic or fair to strive to be that person who can say they regret nothing? Somewhere along my 27 year lifeline this ideal was sewn into the thread of my subconscious and placed upon a pedestal. The concept that – sure, we all make mistakes, but one day when you uncover just the right amount of confidence, you’ll feel a glorifying sense of acceptance wash over you and realize that everything happened for a reason. That nothing was wrong, everything was worth it, and regret is just a ghost of Christmas past.

Regrets are like scars, which I also bear – some more proudly than others. They refine, define, and remind. Frederick Nietzsche said that in order to give birth to a shining star, there must be chaos in one’s soul. That concept makes a little more sense, I think. So tonight’s question is: is the chaos better served embraced, mastered, or allowed to run wild and free until death do us part?

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That’s when you’ll feel my kind.

Oct 22

I have lots to write about. Even some pictures. But as usual, time and tasks have gotten the better of me so they will have to wait just a bit longer. For “diary style” documentation purposes…I am still recovering from my second whirlwind trip to the United Kingdom that ended just a week ago, focusing deeply on loving my family, loving myself, and savoring all of the sweetest, most passionate and powerful moments I can – no matter how small or how short. That’s not to say I’m an exemplary student in the class of life right now – as stress and self doubt can, has, and will again rear its ugly head. But I will love. I will heal. I will create. And most importantly, I will never cease my quest to not only find, but to be the light that touches my world. Hold fast.

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Can you fill it? This hole right here.

Sep 03

All of your flaws and all of my flaws,
When they have been exhumed
We’ll see that we need them to be who we are
Without them we’d be doomed.

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My life just became yours to read and interpret.

Aug 30

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The most powerful scream.

Aug 14

To learn silence as you’ve learned speech, now that is an interesting thought.
Silence. There’s a quiet power and strength waiting there.
Perhaps if silence can be even a quarter mastered or an eighth practiced,
all the the words built up in that dam of a mind
will settle,
will sort themselves.
Some might evaporate while others float to the top,
rising to the surface through less polluted space for some fresh air and a bit of sunlight.
And then one day when you decide to turn on the faucet,
A steady stream will flow. Not a trickle of cautious doubt or hesitance,
not an outburst of unchecked passion.
Just a steady stream.
Clean. Crisp.
Bright.

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