I am a glow stick.

Jan 12

I wish I could confidently ink the ever popular phrase, “regret nothing” in French of course, somewhere across this fleshy canvas that blankets my soul. I’ve been thinking a lot about this concept sporadically over the past few weeks, maybe years. It would be such a lovely phrase to call my own, to say to myself or others without actually speaking a word.

But I have regrets. I am guilty, and for every occasional day I proclaim “I have no regrets!”, there are two more days that follow, suffocating beneath the opposite sentiment. Is it even realistic or fair to strive to be that person who can say they regret nothing? Somewhere along my 27 year lifeline this ideal was sewn into the thread of my subconscious and placed upon a pedestal. The concept that – sure, we all make mistakes, but one day when you uncover just the right amount of confidence, you’ll feel a glorifying sense of acceptance wash over you and realize that everything happened for a reason. That nothing was wrong, everything was worth it, and regret is just a ghost of Christmas past.

Regrets are like scars, which I also bear – some more proudly than others. They refine, define, and remind. Frederick Nietzsche said that in order to give birth to a shining star, there must be chaos in one’s soul. That concept makes a little more sense, I think. So tonight’s question is: is the chaos better served embraced, mastered, or allowed to run wild and free until death do us part?

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Can you fill it? This hole right here.

Sep 03

All of your flaws and all of my flaws,
When they have been exhumed
We’ll see that we need them to be who we are
Without them we’d be doomed.

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My life just became yours to read and interpret.

Aug 30

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Let it refill at night, from the springs that fed it.

Jan 21

Let those words pass through delicate lips and gentle fingers with a fiery passion for every experience. But don’t empty that well, he said. Stop when there is still something left in the deepest part.

And I suppose like Marilyn Monroe says, as permanently inked just below my heart and slightly to the left, “I restore myself when I’m alone”.

Marilyn Monroe Writing, 1953

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And though she be but little, she is fierce.

Nov 13

“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.” -Kurt Vonnegut

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