Brainshambles|

I just got out of my Native South America class, and scored a B on the exam we had this morning. Pretty fabulous, concerning I didn’t ever finish the reading that the test was to cover. After this weekends Halloween Sleepover (in the 30 degree weather, in a barn, with children) I am left feeling worn out and snuffly. It doesnt help that the weather has been uber bipolar lately…ranging from 35 degrees to 65 degrees in a matter of hours. I go to bed freezing, wake up in a sweat, and fall back asleep freezing. Blahhh. So needless to say, I emailed my instructor for this afternoons class and told him I will be missing it.

I hate missing class, but at least when I do I make sure to give notice and have a note taker prepared to cover my ass. I plan on going home in a few minutes to clean my disgusting house, have lunch with Kyle (maybe, if he gets off work early) and then napping before my riding lesson tonight. This is my rough week–school 5 days, work 4 days, and also have a horse show on Sunday. Not complaining…just trying to prepare. Hopefully if I overdose on vitamins and water I can get over this sinus crap.

I miss my family. I want to watch movies with them and eat pumpkin pie and be a fatty McFatpants.

It is getting cold here in blustery Ohio, and I absolutely LOVE it. Fall transforms me into this domestic, crafty, cooking, warm and fuzzy creature. Tonight I am helping my riding instructor host a “Halloween Sleepover” at the barn. I really hate kids, but she needs help so I volunteered. I did the same thing last year, and it ended up being pretty fun. We play horsey games and eat candy and then sleep on the hay inside the barn with the horsies. Well, I don’t sleep of course. Escpecially because theres a bunch of little girlies squealing and wreaking havoc. Anyway, I will bring the camera and try to capture some cute pictures.

Did I ever chronicle my absolute OBSESSION with oatmeal? I’ve eaten it every single morning for like 8 months and now I can’t stop. I’ve been feeling like a fat pig lately, ever since I decided to cancel my weight watchers subscription. I was really worried that I’d start gaining the weight back rapidly, but to my surprise I have maintained a healthy 109-110 for a month now. I know it’s only a month. But I have a big giant sweet tooth, and have been fighting (usually unsuccessfully) late night ice cream/bread binges. But whatever I am doing…guess it’s working! I like making healthy choices. It’s neat that the skills I learned while doing Weight Watchers (for almost a year!) have stuck with me.

Rupert is ripping the arms off of his Tomato toy, so I think it’s time for me to go. R

I have about an hour to kill here before my Mesoamerica class. So forgive the ramblings. K…ready…set…GO.

1. I slept probably about a 5-6 hours last night without the aid of any sleeping pills. 5-6 hours. Do you know how much sleep that is? For me, about a lifetime. I needed that little boost of optimism.

2. I am excited and intrigued by all the political/economic activity going on right now. I have started watching the stocks, I read the paper every morning over coffee, and I am insanely fascinated at how people respond differently to our plummeting economy. Being in a bunch of Anthropology classes helps, and I am amazed at the repetitious nature of history. Cultures in all corners of the world inevitably begin to crumble under the same pressures of an overworked, abused, inflated social structure. We are all so different. But when you start to break us down…we are so very much the same.

3. I am finding it increasingly difficult to turn a blind eye to the ignorant words and slanderous comments of radical conservatives. I know equally slanderous remarks are made by radical liberals. And I also know that the ignorant actions of a few uneducated, racist individuals do not define the ideals of an entire party. When I find myself so unfathomably outraged by others exhibiting such abhorrent behavior, I must remember this. They are just a few bad apples. At least I hope. Ahh, the timeless battle of good vs evil.

4. I am not 100% positive yet, but I am thinking there is a high probabilty that I can pull an A or B out of my ass in Statistics class. I have been getting really lucky with the surprise take-home tests and insanely high exam scores. Anyone who knows me in real life understands just how awful I am at math. I was that girl in highschool in the “stupid math” class. I went out to the “van” to get tutored. But thanks to my private catholic schooling, I have perfected the art of slacking, procrastinating, and bullshitting my way to the top.

5. I love school, seriously. Can you tell? No really…I actually do. I want to learn about art and English and religion and culture until my eyes bleed and I can absorb no more.

6. I want to be his wife one day.

7. Confession: I look at theknot.com when I am feeling bored and/or wistful.

8. I also love making lists. Obsessively.

Once again, I got all worked up last night about today’s scheduled Statistics exam. Of course, the instructor completely forgot we had a test and instead gave us three questions to do at home and turn in as a “take-home quiz”. I guess I shouldn’t complain.

Work was long and steady today. Not much was going on in the back (where the vet assistants do most of their work) so I volunteered to take over the front and let one of the receptionists go home early. Despite running on an hour of sleep I was feeling particularly generous today. I am glad to finally be home and get some house work accomplished. But herein lies the great question…after four days of little to no sleep, do I relapse and take an Ambien? Or continue to push onward with my quest to become pill free? I need the sleep so badly. My health is deteriorating and I can feel my body shutting down. But at the same time, I am so determined to rid my life of this awful dependency on sleeping pills. As suggested by Kalen I purchased a bottle of maximum strength melatonin yesterday at the grocery. It didn’t do much for me last night, but I am hoping it will help in the long run. Gotta start somewhere, right?

Ice cream, dishes, tv, bed.

Ok. So as I had expected…my self-conducted sleep trials have turned ugly. This no sleeping-pill situation is way tough. I know this, though. I have tried this before. Except this time, I am determined to SUCCEED. So if it takes me a month or two of sleepless nights, I will push on. I want my body to be poison free. Kyle and I had a lovely evening with my dear friend NATALIE and her husband Dave. It was great to get out and enjoy a low-key, comfortable dinner with quality company. At the end of the evening, Kyle so adorably asked me: “Honey, are we going to have a cute marriage like Natalie and Dave?” I sure hope so. *cough cough my ring finger is naked cough cough*

Moving right along. I have all of today and tomorrow off so I hope I can catch up on some sleep and cram some statistics in my brain before the exam. I also want to go to the pumpkin patch with Kyle, one of my most treasured seasonal activities.

Day 1 of sleep trials minus use of my regular heavy drugs:

Approximately 3-4 hours of sleep.

I WILL TAKE IT!

I found the most amazing little passage in this literary gem we are reading for class. Right on the money…considering I just changed my major from nursing to liberal arts so I could remain a FOREVER STUDENT. I always say how I’d love to work in a private high school teaching English, Art or Religion.

“In the case of arts and science students, the usual openings-teaching, research and various miscellaneous careers-are quite different in kind. The student choosing them does not bid farewell to the world of childhood: on the contrary he is trying rather to remain with it. The teaching profession, after all, offers adults their only possibility of remaining at school.”

And Levi-Strauss is right. I’d much rather remain in the world of childhood. I would be happy to take college courses for the rest of my life.

I have an expensive private school education, I am well-versed and often quiet and reserved. Despite my affinity for tattoos and edgy hairstyles, I prefer not to draw attention to myself. I avoid confrontation like the plague and would prefer spending time in the privacy of my home reading about news, weather, or culture.

Those are all truths and aspects of my personality that define the way I live. However, there are some other truths that I live, often untold or held back.

My name is Katelyn. I am an American. I speak my mind, I use my credit card way too often and I indulge in brand name clothing. I am not ignorant to the flaws of my country, but I do feel privileged to live in such a culturally diverse and generally accepting society. I like expensive coffee drinks produced by corporate conglomerates and I also like putting makeup on and feeling pretty. I adore being intellectual and studying anthropology but I also adore sitting at home in sweatpants eating processed food with my gun loving boyfriend. Sometimes I spend way too much time trying to convince people how “legitimate” I am, or how “valuable” my opinions are. I think most of us do this, often without even realizing it. We live our lives (whether consciously or subconsciously) trying to validate our menial existences, trying to prove to someone–somewhere that WE HAVE A PLACE in this strange deranged world. That our way is the “right” way.

At the end of the day, I think some of the most admirable personality traits are the ability to admit your faults, live every day with an open mind, and stay true to self. Each new day presents a learning opportunity. Do you accept the challenges or fail to recognize them in the first place?

1 case of cancer, 1 heart attack. Weird when life sort of smacks you in the face…

Getting older means realizing that you and your loved ones really AREN’T invincible.

I don’t pray, but if anyone does…please keep my grandma and uncle in your thoughts.